10 Women For My 10 Fingers

Here is some female delight.

Joanna Newsom - Inflammatory Writ
Loretta and the Larkspurs - After Hour
White Magic - Keeping the Wolves From the Door
Etta James - A Sunday Kind of Love
Brenda Lee - I'm Sorry
Marlene Dietrich - Look Me Over Closely
Dolly Parton - Jolene
Sister Rosetta Tharpe - Nobody's Fault But Mine
Big Mama Thorton - Ball and Chain
Bessie Smith - Nobody Knows You When You're Down and Out

What Not To Do: A Guide For the Indie Musician

Topic #2: Press Kits

Publications, radio stations, and music venues get an insane amount of packages filled with CDs and information about artists. The effort some of you artists put into your press kits is fantastic, but your efforts will most likely be wasted and could actually work against you. Press kits are simple, and regardless of what you try to do to catch the eye of the person you’re sending it to, it most likely will not matter a bit. The worst thing you can do, however, is repel a potential writer, DJ, or talent buyer/booker with your press kit.

Be frugal and don’t try so hard. If you’re creating your own press kit, that means you’re not at the stage where you have a publicist to do it for you, so don’t spend money if you don’t have to. And honestly, you don’t have to. The primary article that needs to be in the padded envelope is the CD – the music, believe it or not, is the important thing. If you can’t afford sending a real CD with artwork, send a CD-R in a plastic sleeve with a printed tracklisting. Don’t get fancy with colored or glossy paper, and, for the love of god, don’t waste hard earned dollars on folders of any kind – they go right in the garbage.

Also, try not to kill yourself over the content of your one sheet. And yes, make it only one sheet – plain white paper – black print – it’s cheaper to copy. Your bio should sound like it’s coming from another person’s perspective and it should be concise. Where are you from, what do you sound like (yes, it’s good to compare yourself to other artists as a quick reference for the person you’re sending it to), and what makes you different than the rest of the artists sending the same thing? If you have any press quotes, include them. If you’ve played on good bills, mention the recognizable names you’ve played with. Remember that you’re marketing yourself. That’s about it – that’s all you need.

The one thing that will ruin everything? A stupid looking picture of you and/or your band. It’s best not to include one at all – put a band logo or stylized font to represent yourself if you have to. You’re not a major record label, who has the money to sell an image (and only an image) – you’re an artist trying to make it, so you’re going to have to bust your ass, be persistent, and rely on your music to get attention. Send a photo of you and/or your band trying to look cool and your CD may find its way into the ever growing “pay no mind” stack without even ever being heard.

To recap, include a CD and a one sheet in a padded envelope – that’s your press kit. Don’t waste your time, energy, and money doing anything more. For the most part, publicists do it this way, and even the major labels often send the cheapest press kits that will ever grace a desk.

Basically, think of it like picking up a girl or guy. The harder you try, the less chance you end up having because you ultimately seem desperate and a novice. Also understand that you’re one of thousands of artists who are sending out their music. The odds are stacked against you from the beginning, so don’t over complicate it and put such effort into a package that may never even get opened. Most of all, don’t fuck it up with your first impression – also known as your press kit.

Take an Interview with The Vacation

By: Sarah L. Myers

My mother was always afraid my obsession with rock n' roll might lead me to some bad influences. 25 years later I met The Vacation. After listening to their debut album, Band From World War Zero, it's tempting to pack that rattlesnake suitcase and head to Hollywood, following a night at the liquor store with a morning in the hills watching the sunrise. Debauchery flows in song and spirit, but twins Ben (vocals) and Steve Tegel (guitar) are actually quite subdued. Offstage anyway, and before the Budweiser. Frontman Ben Tegel takes 10 questions for The Crutch.

The Crutch: Which Sex Pistols songs did your cover for the 103.1 "The Filth and The Fury" screening?
Ben Tegel: We're covering "Holidays in the Sun," "Pretty Vacant," and "E.M.I."

What is your preferred brand of cherry cola?
BT: Royal Crown Cherry Cola Worst injury suffered onstage?

Anything resulting in the use of a crutch?
BT: I injure myself pretty much every time we play. I always wake up the next morning covered in bruises, scrapes, or severe chest lacerations. One of the worst injuries, though, occurred at a show in a terrible bar in San Marcos, CA (don't ask me why we were playing there). I was standing on a monitor which sat very close to the edge of a rather high stage, balancing myself and acting like a jerk, when I fell off, scraping my lower back severely on the metal edge of the stage. Then the monitor tumbled off the stage and landed on my back. We were actually able to finish the show but that hurt like hell for quite awhile. I have a strange looking scar there that looks as if I had some sort of spinal surgery.

Ben and Steve: any requests for Vacation "sandwiches"?
BT: Um....I make a damn good ham & swiss & fried egg on wheat toast....is that what you are referring to? Girls are gross, come on, that's not gonna happen.

Tell me about the story behind "W.I.I.F.M", with the lyric "Would somebody please exploit me?" That's a great concept.
BT: That song was an attempt to satirize the way that capitalism tends to co-opt and thereby minimize subversive energies.

Name five great songs.
BT:
"I Walk on Guilded Splinters" - Dr. John
"My My Hey Hey" - Neil Young
"Biological Speculation" - Funkadelic
"Rock N Roll" - Velvet Underground
"Fortunate Son" - CCR

The album has a song called "Hollywood Forever," which is a cemetery in Hollywood, where many celebrities are buried, including two of the Ramones. Have you spent time in the cemetery?
BT: Yeah, a lot. Steve's apartment, where we formerly lived together, is right around the corner from it. It's nice, it's like a park. It's funny that the closest thing to a park in Hollywood is a cemetery.

You're from St. Louis, but are definitely a Hollywood band. Do you still have any Midwest in you?
BT: I guess my answer to this is that Hollywood is full of a lot of people who come from elsewhere, including the Midwest, in search of fame or fortune or whatever. A city of immigrants and emigrants. So in that sense we are a typical Hollywood or LA band. I think there is a romanticized notion of LA in the Midwest. I mean, let's face it, Americans are obsessed with Hollywood and all that it represents. and LA is definitely more palatable to a lot of Midwesterners as a big city cultural center than New York City. It seems less snobby, maybe, to a certain Midwestern kind of defensive pride in one's commonness, or classlessness. And there is something inherently common, unsophisticated, about LA. And, for that matter, America in general.

The first song you heard that made you want to play rock n' roll?
BT: Let's say either "Rock N Roll" by Led Zeppelin or "Rock N Roll" by the Velvet Underground.

What's your worst habit or biggest vice?
BT: Gee, we have a lot of bad habits and vices. You name it, we've probably done it. We definitely abuse alcohol. Rather, it abuses us. Almost all of our other vices stem from alcohol consumption. My worst habit is probably fighting in public with my brother. Or buying tennis shoes.

-----

The Vacation - W.I.I.F.M.

10 Songs For a Roadtrip From Detroit to Chicago - by SSM

I’ll tout these guys as much as I can because they’re just fucking good and deserve the attention, but I do have some information to pass along. Here are their Midwest tour dates for SSM. They’re touring with The Bellrays. Go see them.

In addition, I asked SSM for a playlist/mix tape/compilation – 10 Songs For a Roadtrip From Detroit to Chicago. Johnny Szymanski was kind enough to put it together for us. He also answered one question I just had to ask:

Devo - Sloppy
Steve Treatment - Tempest Fashion Baby
Chubby Checker- My Mind (Comes From a Higher Place)
Fire Engines - Get Up and Use Me
Grauzone - Eisbaer
Visage - Frequency 7(dance mix)
Prince - Gotta Stop (Messin’ About)
Flaming Lips - Pilot Can at the Queer of God
Queen - Tie Your Mother Down
Desmond Dekker - Isrealites

The Crutch: What is the primary difference between SSM and S&M?
Johnny: The only difference between SSM and S&M is a slip of the right index
finger...

*Thanks, Johnny.

Ain't Nothing Little About It

With their new release, A Real Good One, The Little Killers are keeping that raw rock and roll spirit alive. There are not many bands that are able to tap the past without getting shit from today’s music critics, but The Little Killers have managed to impress just about everyone. On this second release, Andy Maltz (singer/guitar), Sara Nelson (bass), and Kari Boden (drums) sharpen their teeth a bit and hone their skills, putting forth an album worth some focused attention, so quit multi-tasking for a half hour and give them a listen.

Andy Maltz was kind enough to answer a few questions for us, despite our lack of seriousness. Enjoy reading and then go enjoy their music.

The Crutch: Could you kick The Killers’ asses?
Andy: The Killers? Jeeez, c'mon we can kick Motorhead's ass. I think Sara and Kari could show the Killers a thing or two about applying eye make-up. Honestly I've never heard The Killers. I'm sure they're great.

People have said you sound like this or that band, but what do you think you would sound like, collectively, if you were all drunk at 4am, discussing Nietzsche?
Probably sound like a bunch of fools, drunk at 4am or stone cold sober at noon.

Why the jump from Crypt to Gern Blandsten?
We still love Tim at Crypt but he's busy with other things and we wanted to get an album recorded. Right about the time where were gonna start asking around, Charles from GB called. He's an old friend of mine from waaaaaay back. He asked if we'd be interested in doing something with him. Sara and I met him at a bar and he filled us in on what he had in mind. We all left feeling like it was a great idea. A month later we were in the studio.

And do you know why I can hardly find anything on the Gern Blandsten website about you and A Real Good One?
We didn't really wanna do the whole big "checkoutourwebsitedude" thing, ever. I really don't think band websites are interesting at all. We don't have one except for the page that was on the crypt site and the one that Rupert Murdoch owns. Just listen to the record. Everything you need to know about us is on the record.

Are you old enough to remember the Mister Microphone commercials?
I'm old enough to remember Mr. Microphone's mother and father. They were good people.

Entertainment Weekly gave your debut album an A-. What grade would you give Entertainment Weekly as a publication?
I would give them an A minus minus. The extra minus is for adding a minus to our grade. I hate the idea of grading records. It makes them seem like homework assignments. I thought this was supposed to be about having fun. How can I have any fun if I worry about what grade I'm gonna get? Consequently, I don't really care to much.

Does the sun revolve around New York City or does New York City revolve around the sun?
I was never very good at science, I don't know. The sun revolves around Uranus. Hahahaha...

Instead of me telling everyone what I think you learned or developed in the time between your first and second record, what do YOU think you learned or developed in that time?
I think we learned to trust ourselves. I think that through sheer hard work we became great at what we do.

In relation to your personalities, what cartoon characters would you be, or choose to represent you?
The three robotic stooges.

Did you ever feel uneasiness, having such little experience as musicians or as a band when you recorded your first album? Or was there confidence and belief from the beginning?
Oh no, we were always confident that what were doing was good from the get go.

What’s the last book you read?
I always read about five or six books at a time. The last couple I finished were a history of Turkey, and a Hank Williams biography.

*Thanks, Andy!

The Little Killers - Been So Long (A Real Good One - Gern Blandsten)
The Little Killers - Volume (The Little Killers - Crypt)

The Muldoons - Tomorrow's Rock Stars

No matter how I write about The Muldoons, it’s going to make someone unhappy. The reason is because two out of the three members are under the age of 12. Yes, that’s right. It’s a family affair – two brothers, Shane (8-years-old – vocals/guitar) and Hunter (11-years-old - guitar), backed by their father, Brian (46-years-old), on drums. See, if I say it sucks, people are going to think I’m picking on a couple of kids. If I say it’s good, people are going to think I’m taking it easy on them because they’re kids. So be it.

Overall, it sounds like a mediocre punk band with a chick singer. However, for their age, it’s fantastic. Would I listen to it without knowing anything about the band? Probably not. Should I listen to it because I know something about the band? Definitely.

The record was produced and recorded by Jack White. You see, Jack White and Brian Muldoon had a band together back in the day called The Upholsterers. Evidently, they’re still friends, and Jack even allowed the kids to borrow one of his stolen guitar licks (from “Pain [Gimme Sympathy]” - originally by Jack Starr) for The Muldoons’ first single, “Driver’s License”. White also did The Muldoons the favor of letting them debut live at a The White Stripes concert in Detroit last year. Since then, The Muldoons have done a few shows, including opening for SSM at their record release last weekend, opening for The Raconteurs, and also a live gig on the renowned Jersey City radio station, WFMU. Thank you, Uncle Jack.

The recording is purposely rough and everything else is as simple as you would expect, but if these kids can keep at it, by the time they’re both in high school, they’re going to be pretty fucking remarkable. For now, I’d buy the four-song single from Cass Records as a novelty, if nothing else, and look for another release at the end of the summer, produced by Brendan Benson.

The Muldoons - Driver's License
The Muldoons - Agitated (live on WFMU)
The Muldoons - live at Magic Stick in Detroit (from Cass Records)

Man Oh Man

They blew away everyone at SXSW 2005, put out one of last year's best albums (The Man in the Blue Turban With a Face), released their critically acclaimed follow up (Six Demon Bag) a few months back, and are about to be on tour with Fiery Furnaces. They're a breakfast buffet band...or a 64 count box of crayons...or a kitchen sink band. Whatever silly thing you want to call them, their name is Man Man and they're good - and their live show is something to be seen.

I interviewed them not too long ago - here's one question - you can read the rest of the interview at the Crutch website:

The Crutch: What is your favorite sandwich?

SERGEI: Knuckle. Pig knuckle.
MIZZLE: Never the throat though. Too coarse.
POW POW: Pig Throat?
MIZZLE: Yes. I'm a cultured man.
COUGAR: You're a brute.

READ THE ENTIRE ARTICLE HERE

Find tour dates at their website

Man Man - Mission Black Goggles (Six Demon Bag)
Man Man - Engwish Bwood (video)
Man Man - White Rice, Brown Heart (The Man in the Blue Turban With a Face)

An Interview with The (International) Noise Conspiracy

Interview by Sarah L. Myers

Maybe if our local politicians were as decorated as Dennis Lyxzen more people would stand up and take notice of the bullshit hypocrisy The (International) Noise Conspiracy front man rails against. I listed him as one of the greatest front men of all time last spring, when INC upstaged the Bravery at the Metro in Chicago. Now I've made it official. Following is our sit-down at Saturday's Beat Kitchen gig.

The Crutch: The last show that you guys played in Chicago sold out, and the one before that, with the Bravery did also. Obviously this city really loves you guys. Is the feeling mutual?

DL: Yeah, Chicago is one of my favorite cities I've played in and I think everyone in the band really likes Chicago. So we like it. We have a lot of friends here and there's always a good vibe here.

How was the tour with the Bravery? Did you feel like that was a good match for you guys?

DL: No. (When you go out with a band) sometimes it makes sense, and sometimes it doesn't. The Bravery tour was definitely one of those examples where it didn't really make sense. I mean, the response was good but just I don't think us and The Bravery really clicked, I would say.

Punk rock was a reaction to capitalism and the face of heavy metal and prog rock. Even now punk rock is becoming commercialized and getting a shinier surface. What do you think defines punk rock now?

DL: I think punk rock now defines...is defined by people actually doing it their own way and not afraid to accept preconceived notions of what it's supposed to be. I mean, this is an issue that's been debated - what is punk rock? What is not punk rock? Is punk rock the super live underground culture? Is Blink 182 punk rock? Are we a punk rock band? I think it's one of those gifts I brought with me from punk rock, was that some of my favorite bands, if they would have come out today, people wouldn't have called them a punk band just because of the way they sound.

Such as?
.................
READ THE ENTIRE INTERVIEW AT THE CRUTCH WEBSITE

The (International) Noise Conspiracy - Black Mask (from Armed Love)
The (International) Noise Conspiracy - Up For Sale (from A New Morning, Changing Weather)